Women Who Love Too Much

For those of you that don’t know me I am committed to recovery. I am committed to having a fully restored life. I am constantly reading trying to learn more about addiction, recovery and manifestations of each. As those that I work with each week know I am currently reading Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood. For the record it is a need to own book instead of a library book if you struggle with relationships. There are lots of stories to help you identify the manifestations of relationally addicted/obsessed women. Sometimes these type addictions are so hard to take in that you have to read the book or sections a few times for it to really sink in. My experience has been when someone grows up in a family or environment where addiction, legalism or chronic illness exists then children typically become either very lonely and isolated or rejected, or overburdened with inappropriately heavy responsibilities. This creates fertile ground for relationally addicted/obsessed and/or substance abuse . In the book  Women Who Love Too Much the author lays out the comparison between Alcoholics and Relationally Addictive Women. I thought you would find this information a little confronting but very useful.

                                            Characteristics of Practicing

Alcoholics	Relationally Addicted Women
obsessed with alcohol	obsessed with relationship
denying extent of problem	denying extent of problem
lying to cover how much drinking is going on	lying to cover what is happening in relationship
avoiding people to hide problems with drinking	avoiding people to hide problems with relationship
repeated attempts to control drinking	repeated attempts to control relationship
unexplained mood swings	unexplained mood swings
anger, depression, guilt	anger, depression, guilt
resentment	resentment
irrational acts	irrational acts
violence	violence
accidents due to intoxication	accidents due to preoccupation
self-hate/self-justification	self-hate/self-justification
physical illness due to abuse of alcohol	physical illness due to stress-related diseases

 

                          Characteristics of Recovering

Alcoholics	Relationally Addictive Women
admitting helplessness to control disease	admitting helplessness to control disease
ceasing to blame others for problems	ceasing to blame others for problems
focusing on self, taking responsibility for own actions	focusing on self, taking responsibility for own actions
seeking help for recovery from peers	seeking help for recovery from peers
beginning to deal with own feelings rather than avoiding them	beginning to deal with own feelings rather than avoiding them
building a circle of well friends, healthy interests	building a circle of well friends, healthy interests

 

Wake up friends, I work with women everyday that press and press on their husbands to heal.  What becomes clear typically to all those around them is that the wife is sicker than the husband in many ways.  There is not a wife alive that wants to hear this information.  I had my own eye opening moment when I was asked two confronting questions, “Why do you think God brought you here”.  It was obvious what God was trying to work out in my husband but why had He brought me here?  I really thought that if my husband would just change life would be grand.  That question made me begin to get the magnifying glass off him and begin to look at me. Me, my actions, my behavior, my attitude, my responsibilities, my relationship with God and others.  And then the most painful question on the planet… “Do you want to get well?”  I thought I was going to hit the man that asked me that.  Did he not hear what I just told him?  Did he not hear what my husband was out doing?  What was he going to do about him?  Why was he turning this around on me?  Did he not hear me?  What was wrong with this man?

Truth is only at this place can you begin to heal.  At this place where you stop looking at them and start looking at you.  You stop focusing all your energy on what they have done or are doing and take responsibility for your own actions.  I had spent a lifetime of being responsible for everyone’s actions but my own.  I had overcompensated and covered up, I was exhausted.  This is the place that recovery can begin.  You can either begin to get better or go around the mountain one more time.  You have a choice.

We will talk more about this over the next few weeks. 

If you are ready for real change, real life, real healing….  “Do you want to get well?”

Blessings ~ Tammy

Tagged as: Addiction, alcoholic, relationally addictive women