Posts Tagged ‘sex’
Fear – Categorized with Stealing
I am currently teaching a Genesis Change Group and this week’s topic is FEAR! The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous says that “fear is an evil and corroding thread and that our existence is shot through with it”. Wow those are some pretty strong words. After all these years I can tell you without question fear is driving THE bus. That is what motivates most everyone to act out in unpleasant manners. Fear is the thing that says “I am scared that I will not survive so I need to numb (drugs, alcohol, food, anger/rage, sex, etc.) in order so I won’t have to feel this pain”.
As we learn in the Genesis Change Process fear has three responses Fight (anger), Flight (escape) or Freeze (play dead, go numb or appease). Anger is probably the one that I personally have pulled out of the rabbit hat more than any others. It can seem like an effective response because it appears to increase control, which reduces vulnerability. When kids grow up in an abusive home (alcohol, physical or emotional) they are often shamed, they in turn become bullies and begin to protect themselves by shaming others.
Anger is designed to anesthetize the emotion of fear. Remember God has made you in His image. As stated in The Genesis Process for Groups Book 1 “ALL of your emotions were designed by God for your good and can be used both positively and negatively.” (Michael Dye, CADC, NCACII, 2006) That had never occurred to me. ALL my emotions are designed by God for good. Wow! I guess this is like the brick story. The brick is a brick, it can be used to build a house for comfort, protection or it can be thrown through the window in an act of violence. The brick is still just a brick. Wow! When you grow up in an abusive home you are so off kilter all the time in regards to emotions. People are raging one minute and telling you it didn’t happen the next. You become so unsure of fact and try to make sense of it all with the limited knowledge of a child that it creates so much anxiety. Children are pretty self-centered so they typically assume that the problem is them and they begin to think they have some control over it, that they caused it and can fix it. Big responsibility for a kid!
My experience in working with individuals is that most people are trying to anesthetize fear of criticism, rejection, abandonment, disrespect, shame, embarrassment, secrets, vulnerability and especially intimacy. Have you ever said “that guy really pushed my button”? Have you ever gone from 0 to 100 in less than one second and you are not really sure what happened afterword? That is a sure sign that you are responding in the current to a past hurt. I want to reassure you it can all be redeemed. No one is too broken to be fixed. Jesus worked with a lot of hard cases! Then the thing every addict hates to hear; You have to FEEL to HEAL. I wish there was a shortcut or work around but the truth is you have to begin to feel again both good and bad in order to walk in freedom from anxiety, fear and addiction/compulsions. We will continue to talk more about what it takes to walk through that process. I will remind you that if it was easy everybody would do it!
Blessings ~
Tammy Hardin, Relapse Prevention Specialist and Life Coach
Works Cited
Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Michael Dye, C. N. (2006). The Genesis Process Change Group Book 1. In C. N. Michael Dye, The Genesis Process Change Group Book 1 (p. 35 and 36). Auburn, CA: Double Eagle Industries.
