Why Do I Do What I DON'T Want to Do?

Posts Tagged ‘fear’

Is that ever how you feel?  You know the pain of using drugs, alcohol, food, spending, rage, etc. but when the anxiety, fear or anger get to great here you go around the mountain one more time.  Is that you?  Are you exhausted with trying to figure out WHY?  I so understand. 

I continue to be amazed with Michael Dye’s work in The Genesis Process.  With every exercise I personally do, every individual and group that I lead through the tools I continue to be amazed at the rapid results.  The clarity of the truth.  John 8:32 says “Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”  There is so much power in the format in which Michael presents the tools.   One of my favorite tools has become the Double Bind exercise. 

Here is the link – Double Bind Worksheet

All addicts live their lives in a bind “I don’t want to use drugs/alcohol and more, it is killing me but I don’t know how to cope without them.  They are what make me able to survive”.  At least this is the underlying belief of every addict/alcoholic I have ever met.  That double bind creates the fear, anxiety and anger that drive them to use again.  As people walk in recovery this same fear, anxiety and anger manifest itself in more subtle ways.  This tool is a lifelong one to be used when you are procrastinating or hitting the wall.

Most of these things are going on in the subconscious but the Double Bind Worksheet gives you a place to bring those thoughts out into the open and shine the light of truth on them. As Michael states in the, The Genesis Process Workbook “Healthy people move toward their unresolved problems, while unhealthy people run from problems. Procrastination results in crisis”. 

This is a place where the Light of Truth is shown, others are able to come along side to help show the way and God can provide openings that are beyond your belief.  I hope you find this tool as helpful as I have.  It took me continuing to use the tool to have the real breakthroughs in what is really going on in my life and countless others….

Happy Trudging,

Tammy Hardin, Relapse Prevention Specialist

I am currently teaching a Genesis Change Group and this week’s topic is FEAR!  The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous says that “fear is an evil and corroding thread and that our existence is shot through with it”.  Wow those are some pretty strong words.  After all these years I can tell you without question fear is driving THE bus.  That is what motivates most everyone to act out in unpleasant manners.  Fear is the thing that says “I am scared that I will not survive so I need to numb (drugs, alcohol, food, anger/rage, sex, etc.) in order so I won’t have to feel this pain”. 

As we learn in the Genesis Change Process fear has three responses Fight (anger), Flight (escape) or Freeze (play dead, go numb or appease).  Anger is probably the one that I personally have pulled out of the rabbit hat more than any others.  It can seem like an effective response because it appears to increase control, which reduces vulnerability.  When kids grow up in an abusive home (alcohol, physical or emotional) they are often shamed, they in turn become bullies and begin to protect themselves by shaming others. 

Anger is designed to anesthetize the emotion of fear.  Remember God has made you in His image.  As stated in The Genesis Process for Groups Book 1 “ALL of your emotions were designed by God for your good and can be used both positively and negatively.” (Michael Dye, CADC, NCACII, 2006)  That had never occurred to me.  ALL my emotions are designed by God for good.  Wow!  I guess this is like the brick story.  The brick is a brick, it can be used to build a house for comfort, protection or it can be thrown through the window in an act of violence.  The brick is still just a brick.  Wow!  When you grow up in an abusive home you are so off kilter all the time in regards to emotions.  People are raging one minute and telling you it didn’t happen the next.  You become so unsure of fact and try to make sense of it all with the limited knowledge of a child that it creates so much anxiety.  Children are pretty self-centered so they typically assume that the problem is them and they begin to think they have some control over it, that they caused it and can fix it.  Big responsibility for a kid! 

My experience in working with individuals is that most people are trying to anesthetize fear of criticism, rejection, abandonment, disrespect, shame, embarrassment, secrets, vulnerability and especially intimacy.  Have you ever said “that guy really pushed my button”?  Have you ever gone from 0 to 100 in less than one second and you are not really sure what happened afterword? That is a sure sign that you are responding in the current to a past hurt.  I want to reassure you it can all be redeemed.  No one is too broken to be fixed.  Jesus worked with a lot of hard cases!  Then the thing every addict hates to hear; You have to FEEL to HEAL.  I wish there was a shortcut or work around but the truth is you have to begin to feel again both good and bad in order to walk in freedom from anxiety, fear and addiction/compulsions.  We will continue to talk more about what it takes to walk through that process.  I will remind you that if it was easy everybody would do it!

Blessings ~

Tammy Hardin, Relapse Prevention Specialist and Life Coach

Works Cited

Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Michael Dye, C. N. (2006). The Genesis Process Change Group Book 1. In C. N. Michael Dye, The Genesis Process Change Group Book 1 (p. 35 and 36). Auburn, CA: Double Eagle Industries.

I usually am reading 4 or 5 books simultaneously I guess that answers why it takes me so long to finish one.   Anyway I have been reading Emotional Bullshit  by Carl Alasko, Ph.D. (yes that is really the title) for the past couple weeks.  Great book, get past the title.  So I got to his three questions that I will share with you.  I don’t want to lose any of its flavor by paraphrasing I am going to copy it verbatim….. 

“Every time you experience some level of anxiety, anger, pain or fear, or you’re facing a decision (even a minor one), or you’re involved in a conflict (even a minor one), take a few seconds to ask yourself the following three questions.  You may find your answer immediately after asking Question One, and not have to proceed to the next two.  The first question can be such a profound inquiry that the solution to your difficulty can instantly appear.  And your behavior can instantly change. 

1. Am I denying an essential fact or responsibility?
2. Am I creating a delusional reality to support the denial?
3. Am I deflecting my responsibility by blaming someone or something else?”

These are the questions you ask yourself before you go cope.  The coping that most of us do….compulsive eating, controlling, drinking, smoking, raging, fill in your blank is because we are not dealing with the answer to one of these three questions.  When I start to understand what is really going on then change can take place.

I have found that dealing with things from my past through the Genesis Process frees me up to get new activations in that particular area.  Freedom, peace, that is what we are all looking for!