Why Do I Do What I DON'T Want to Do?

Posts Tagged ‘alcoholics anonymous’

Made a searching and fearless moral inventory……  Why does everyone hate this part?  Taking a direct look at what is free floating in your heart and your head.  Most of us have no idea how many things are free floating in our heads.  The vows we made because some snippy little middle school girl said something hateful that hurt our heart.  Or a survival lie is created in us like “we are not good enough, no one cares about us, etc.” because a parent makes a bad judgement or has priorities that are not necessarily us.  I have done many a fourth step the Alcoholics Anonymous way and have learned a lot about what I think and feel about myself and others.  Many incorrect expectations  and fears have been revealed in the process.  Then I found the Genesis Process and the Forgiveness Worksheet  which brought new revelation to the things that were still lingering.  We all have stuff!  This is not a pity party or parent bashing event.   We live in a fallen world, people do things, it is life.  The deal is I want to walk in love! I work with people everyday that want to walk in love and I find ways to facilitate that process.  If things that have happened in the past are blocking you  from walking in love today you need to investigate them.  Many times I find  people  blocked from walking in love because of something that happened in the past that they made a personal judgement, created a vow or survival lie.  We can be walking around thinking that people owe us something.  The adult knows we are not going to get it, but the child within is still pouting and demanding it on some level.  Investigating what is free floating in your head and your heart is the key. 

I challenged one of my groups with this very exercise the other night and they were amazed.  They worked on the process for 30 minutes and the things that were revealed was absolutely amazing.  God in His usual style showed up and put light on things that members of the group didnt’ even realize were floating around in their head.  The fear, the expectations, the lies!  These things drive addictions, compulsions, anxiety, depression, etc. 

Do you want to walk in freedom?  It requires work.  You have to get out your pen and paper and begin to see what is going on inside your heart and head.  Trust God to reveal the hurts, hang ups and habits that will allow you to walk free!

Blessings ~ Tammy

Forgiveness Worksheet

 I woke up this morning thinking about the steps.  I love the steps of Alcoholics Anonymous they are the process that began to reveal what was going on in the trashcan of my soul.  But what do you do after you have worked the steps and worked the steps?  I needed more.  I needed different.  It made me think of the line on page 164 of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, “We realize we know only a little, God will constantly disclose more to you and to us.”  I am grateful that God has continued to reveal more to me.  That He has continued to bring people into my life that I could learn from.  I am grateful for the different processes that He has brought to me so that I could relinquish those hurts that caused me to want to run and hide in a bottle of booze or pills in the first place. 

If you are in recovery and you have worked the steps so you could work the steps but feel you are still not “getting it” know that you are not alone.  I am talking about the person that gives up alcohol/drugs but food kicks their rear or anger or control.  You know those underlying issues that don’t seem to be budging.  If you have done talk therapy and more talk therapy for no real resolve, there is more!

When I found the Genesis Process it made so much sense to me.  My emotional injuries were experiences so talking about them didn’t change the experience.  I could rationalize them from an adult perspective but that did not make restitution with the child that was injured.  I do belong to the suck it up and go group but there came a place in life where I nowhere else to suck it up to.  My adrenals were shot, I had been using caffeine, sugar and anger to try to stay alive, get energy and keep all those hurts at bay.  But God revealed more.  It is almost like something being unwound inside my body.  It is like getting an emotional do over. 

If you are hurting today and you need a ray of hope I just want you to know you can walk in freedom.  You do not have to be plagued with your hurts, habits and hang ups.  God has more for you.  It doesn’t mean that you are doing it wrong or not enough it just means that it has not come in the right process for you personally yet. 

I will write a disclaimer.  You have to be physically sober before you can do the emotional work.  I have tried to work with people thinking that if I did the emotional work they would be able to do the other but it doesn’t seem to work that way.  I still believe Alcoholics Anonymous is the best way to get sober.  They do it better than anyone I know.  I also would not be sitting where I am today had it not been for the members of that fellowship that unselfishly loved me until I could love myself! 

Blessings today as I walk in gratitude~

Tammy

I am currently teaching a Genesis Change Group and this week’s topic is FEAR!  The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous says that “fear is an evil and corroding thread and that our existence is shot through with it”.  Wow those are some pretty strong words.  After all these years I can tell you without question fear is driving THE bus.  That is what motivates most everyone to act out in unpleasant manners.  Fear is the thing that says “I am scared that I will not survive so I need to numb (drugs, alcohol, food, anger/rage, sex, etc.) in order so I won’t have to feel this pain”. 

As we learn in the Genesis Change Process fear has three responses Fight (anger), Flight (escape) or Freeze (play dead, go numb or appease).  Anger is probably the one that I personally have pulled out of the rabbit hat more than any others.  It can seem like an effective response because it appears to increase control, which reduces vulnerability.  When kids grow up in an abusive home (alcohol, physical or emotional) they are often shamed, they in turn become bullies and begin to protect themselves by shaming others. 

Anger is designed to anesthetize the emotion of fear.  Remember God has made you in His image.  As stated in The Genesis Process for Groups Book 1 “ALL of your emotions were designed by God for your good and can be used both positively and negatively.” (Michael Dye, CADC, NCACII, 2006)  That had never occurred to me.  ALL my emotions are designed by God for good.  Wow!  I guess this is like the brick story.  The brick is a brick, it can be used to build a house for comfort, protection or it can be thrown through the window in an act of violence.  The brick is still just a brick.  Wow!  When you grow up in an abusive home you are so off kilter all the time in regards to emotions.  People are raging one minute and telling you it didn’t happen the next.  You become so unsure of fact and try to make sense of it all with the limited knowledge of a child that it creates so much anxiety.  Children are pretty self-centered so they typically assume that the problem is them and they begin to think they have some control over it, that they caused it and can fix it.  Big responsibility for a kid! 

My experience in working with individuals is that most people are trying to anesthetize fear of criticism, rejection, abandonment, disrespect, shame, embarrassment, secrets, vulnerability and especially intimacy.  Have you ever said “that guy really pushed my button”?  Have you ever gone from 0 to 100 in less than one second and you are not really sure what happened afterword? That is a sure sign that you are responding in the current to a past hurt.  I want to reassure you it can all be redeemed.  No one is too broken to be fixed.  Jesus worked with a lot of hard cases!  Then the thing every addict hates to hear; You have to FEEL to HEAL.  I wish there was a shortcut or work around but the truth is you have to begin to feel again both good and bad in order to walk in freedom from anxiety, fear and addiction/compulsions.  We will continue to talk more about what it takes to walk through that process.  I will remind you that if it was easy everybody would do it!

Blessings ~

Tammy Hardin, Relapse Prevention Specialist and Life Coach

Works Cited

Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Michael Dye, C. N. (2006). The Genesis Process Change Group Book 1. In C. N. Michael Dye, The Genesis Process Change Group Book 1 (p. 35 and 36). Auburn, CA: Double Eagle Industries.

Hungry, ANGRY, lonely or tired…what happens next?  I often have people come talk to me about what they consider a failure.    Failures can be small or large but I always ask the question, where were you on HALT?  Were you hungry, angry, lonely or tired?  When any of those exist we are more susceptible to not sticking to our plan of recovery.  It may not be that you go back to drinking/drugging but it could be that you got angry/raged, binged, or overspent and that shame smacked you in the face.  You were uncomfortable in your feelings so you used another coping behavior in order to change the way you were feeling. The reality is that if we pile up shame, guilt, etc.  the need to cope gets greater and the ways you cope get more serious, requiring more numbing. 

Please know this isn’t an original thought this is one of things that Alcoholics Anonymous taught me. It is one of the tools in my toolbox that I pull out often to gut check myself and others. 

Blessings….

Your Emotional and Addiction Recovery Coach